Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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