I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
