when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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