Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My breasts were aching with rage.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
