So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
