Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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