sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm too high and old for this...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
