I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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