I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
