I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
