I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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