Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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