I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
