You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Randomize
