dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
