My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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