"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
