..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
