her vagine was all disorganized.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
