I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Mom said you looked used
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
