dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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