i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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