Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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