Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
