party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
