We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
