You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
