I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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