your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
