he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
