i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
