we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
