if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Screwed.edu
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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