i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Too much gin, very little bucket
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
