Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
