At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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