We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
