I heard we made out
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
