and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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