right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
