she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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