It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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