So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
