Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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