dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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