I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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