I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
