can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You have to summon your inner elephant
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
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