watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
