god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
