please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
